just when you think it couldn't get worse

wow

there are times in your life when you realize you just are not in control anymore.

this week has been one of the worst weeks in my life { and I can't imagine it'll be much better in the coming weeks) you would think that after 34 some odd years I would see the clear signs of the chemicals coursing through my body that manipulate the way I act and perform, but low and behold I find I've let myself go too far for too long.

depression and diabetes is a cocktail that has caused a great deal of trouble for me throughout the course of my adult life, in fact there's a funny story about my depression diagnosis and how I rebuffed leaving mass rehab never to return again for no other reason than I felt the diagnosis was given in regards to my inquiry on a prior day (the joke was on me). but that sorid tale is for another day

so it's at the base of my destroyed life in the ashes of my ruined relationship I stumble upon a film that managed to shock me from my funk, a film so powerful so irreverent I have no choice but to rethink my positions both spiritually and artistically.

this film is "Ultra christ" you need to see this movie to believe it

Jesus Christ returns to earth to spread his gospel it's not long before he realizes New York City 2010 is not buying what he's selling.

depressed despondent dejected the Messiah stumbles upon a the Japanese superhero program which shows him the angle he needs to covert his flock.

over the course of the film he does battle with the NYC director of parks and recreation and the trio of the most evil men alive ( Adolf Hitler Richard Milhouse Nixon and Jim Morrison from the doors)

of the film is ridiculous low-budget and Misses its mark considerably more than it succeeds but something about it made me realize perhaps my life was not bad as I thought it was maybe the spiral I feel I'm in is not consuming as I believe.

today upon my second viewing of ultra Christ I realize it's much much worse