Thursday, May 28, 2015

Off to pig shit


Rt30 2:45Am

Golding's pig farm was less then Three miles From My Entrance To the Crypt. If the person or persons Responsible for The clone attacks was truly hiding out at this joint they had big brass balls. Poking us in the eye was one thing but poking us in the eye and then hanging out in our living room uninvited was another thing all together. A big kick right in my testosterone factory revving up production to maximum overload. I was irrationally angry and only the cold wind on my Face was calming me down. Tiny Asked me very nicely to roll down the window or he may have said "roll down the fucking window" either way It wasn't happening, I needed the Air. I needed the cold.

Tiny put the peddle to the metal cutting the already short ride in 1/2 the doors of our soccer mom van rattled as we hit the Dirt road doing 85. It looked like 90% of the cars on the road but it's guy were a mix of state if the art tech and Alien black market stuff that made it faster and more maneuverable then a vehicle of this making size have any right to be.

Tiny Hit the break like he was trying not to run something down. The rubber in gravel sounded likes roar. The back tiers kicked up like a mule.
All for affect, we wanted any one here to know we had arrived. We weren't trying to be quiet, Ethan and RTJ? They were trying to be quite they had left twenty minuets before on foot and were running through the woods and were doing Recon and or busting in the back door. Hopefully our outburst kept any Eyes off then.  We busted out of the car like a 70's cop show a flash of slammed doors and brandished weapons.
The farm looked quiet. Abandoned. I strained my eyes to see any thing though the darkness before I could lower my goggles to give it the Thermal night vision twice over Tiny swung a couple of knuckles into my sternum like he was knocking on a door. I looked up to see he was pointing at an old hanger down the hill off to the far right of the barn at the tree line.

A strobing light trickled out from under the garage looking door.

The Back door posse was supposed to keep radio silence unless They ran into Trouble they couldn't handle and since nothing short of an army of Godzilla's would give them any trouble the surprise of Ethan's voice in my ear piece made me jump

"Guys... You gotta fucking see this"






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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Pay Dirt!



2 AM - Silica's Lab.
“Propane,” squeaked Silica.
Silica seldom spoke and when he did it didn't make any damn sense to normal folk so it certainly wasn't outa the disrespect that we ignored him.
"What you got?" asked Tiny.
"Propane," Matrix repeated.
Tiny and I crossed our arms across our chests in unison, the international human being sign language for "this oughta be fucking good."
"Show them," Matrix said.
Silica pulled an old TV VCR combo up from under the table and placed in the middle on top of all the papers. He turned it on, and a very old version of Silica appeared on the screen.
"In the year 2099 we have re-concluded beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's no such thing as airtight," The old TV Silica said.
"Oh boy," muttered Tiny, under his breath.
You think we would be immune by now to the weirdness that happens in this room, but I think it's truly impossible to not be surprised in this house of mirrors.
" Propane or Methylacetylene is an alkylene, an unsaturated hydrocarbon containing at least one carbon—carbon triple bond between two carbon atoms."
"Forward," Tiny and I shouted
"Behave," replied Matrix.
Aa ancient TV Silica prattled on, I felt my eyes glaze over. It was hard enough to stay awake without a chemistry lesson at 2 AM. I was fading out.
I awoke with a start! Something small struck me right between the eyes. I heard the dime roll on the floor until it hit a table leg, and teetered onto the floor.  Matrix looked at me with an eyebrow raised... peered back with my best “okay, okay, I'm awake” look.
Ancient TV Silica was really ramped up now.
"....... By the standards of construction and science of the early part of the 2000's, small trace amounts of airborne gases will leak through mechanical bonds. These gases may be undetectable and harmless to humans and even with the most advanced detection techniques of the day, it will still escape."
Silica leaned down and turned the TV off. Which began to melt ... obviously.
"What's this got to do with ninjas and dragons?" I asked.
Both Matrix and Silica smiled.
"A few months ago, just off center of the landmass over where the crypt is, a small railroad conglomerate built a depot to relay supplies and what not for the Worcester-Providence Railroad restoration project," she said.
My eyes to glaze over again, until I noticed her turning a shiny quarter between her pointer finger and her thumb. I made eye contact, and nodded to her, noting I had acknowledged the artillery upgrade.
"On that site they store three giant propane tanks."
"Thhaaat doesn't sound safe," interrupted Tiny.
"It's not. If they were to explode, the impact would evaporate everything in a mile radius and destroy everything in the next 3 miles," she answered coldly.
"Wow! It's like they built a bomb up on my roof," I said, mostly to myself.
"If only we had someone whose job it was to legal that sorta stuff away," Tiny said, with a deliberate amount of sarcasm.
"It's hard to keep your secret underground-base secret when you launch campaigns to stop people from building things on top of it."
"Fair enough," I said.
"The town was totally against it and I threw a bunch of money at its campaign; I even got some of my very expensive lawyer friends to lend a hand," she said. I could tell the subject annoyed her beyond whatever was going on right now.
"Your law friends are terrifying. How did Thomas the Apocalypse Engine and his friends beat them?" asked Tiny.
"Lots and lots of money," hissed Matrix. "Lots."
She let how shity and scary the situation was hang in the air for minute before she pulled us back to more immediate reality.
"Unfortunately, it is a problem for another day.  Let's get back to the business at hand."
Your life really sucks when the potential for being evaporated isn't the worst thing you have going on at 1:55am on Tuesday morning.
"On the night of the multiple attacks, all of the creatures that we were able to retrieve - which was all but the dragon - had trace amounts of this microscopic propane residue on them. Which wasn't strange, because we were all attacked on the crypt within 3 miles of the propane tanks. Only Oracle and Andy Christ were attacked elsewhere, which is neither here nor there, for we didn't retrieve that creature," she explained.
I took a minute to consider just where the hell we would put a dragon. Silica would probably plug a synth into it.
"We hit pay dirt when Silica noticed that the soldiers and the ninja all carried the same microscopic amount propane residue that could only be explained by long term exposure. They also had all same identical amounts of microscopic information that the other creatures who attacked us had."
"This son of a bitch is in our backyard?" I yelped, in a weird vocal cocktail of relief, anger, and terror.
Tiny again began fidgeting with the sword. Me and Tiny are far from dumb.  In fact, he's really, really smart, and a pretty great detective, but we work with some of the smartest people that ever existed. We leave most of the smart stuff to them. What we're good at is beating stuff up, and we both felt like "beat up" time was drawing near.
"If narrowing it down to the three-mile radius surrounding above and around our house was not good enough, all the specimens also had a tremendous amount of one other microscopic clue," Matrix said with an all too familiar cat-that-got-the-canary smile on her face.
Before we could ask, Silica yelled:

"Pig Shit!!!”



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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Silica's Lab and Answers


Something about Silica's lab always creeps me out. It sorta looks like a mix of the Bridge on the Deathstar and Frankenstein's Lab. It was dark, lit almost entirely by the lights of all the strange devices that jam packed the room. Old and contemporary computers were connected by everything from modified midi cables to what looked to be branches or vines.  Giant tubes full of strange multicolored liquids were scattered around the room, most connected to computers, but some connected to devices that bore strong resemblance to EKG machines. The room was at capacity with rows of machines that whirred, hummed, and blinked. There were Tesla coils and dramatic balls of static electricity lightning shows that I'm positive were there for effect. Silica does has a flair for dramatic.
There are machines that I don't even like to stand next to because while I wasn't sure where they came from, I knew they didn't belong here. Ones that looked like reel-to-reels sat quietly unplugged in the shadows, covered in moss and what looked like coral. It would sit there dead like that until... Well, until it didn't, then it would spin back to life and on a small thin piece of fortune cookie size paper it would spit out some cryptic apocalyptic message. I don't know what they meant, I don't know if these things ever came true, I'll be honest I didn't really care - for whatever reason, that machine scared the hell out of me.
Despite the fact that this menagerie of weird had helped to solve many cases, and save maybe millions of lives, as sure as my name is Dynamo Susan Marz, everything in that room was absolutely wrong. Mixed in with all the wrong were musical instruments from every hour you could imagine. Mostly percussion and keyboards, but there are also ancient looking lutes and primitive looking harps. Don’t even get me started on the weird mishmash steam punkish amalgams. Near the middle there's a giant pipe organ that seems to be hardwired into some sort of glowing, pulsating giant diamond. As you might expect, touching a key makes the diamond light up. To make matters worse, there is always at least two or three Silica’s wandering around banging on this stuff. Yea, this place is fucking weird, and keep in mind some of the other crazy shit I've seen when I say that.
In the center of the room there is a cluster of card tables covered in maps and scribbled on notebook paper. Above it hung a grouping of fluorescent lights that looked to be hardwired directly into the ceiling.
Tiny and I made our way through the labyrinth of crazy stuff towards the center, which was unfortunately comparatively an oasis of sanity. We could see Silica and Mz. Matrix waiting for us. I knew she had to be exhausted - she's been working on this as long as we had - but she didn't look it. In fact, she actually looked happy. When I went to step into the clearing, one other Silica sidestepped into my way, and scanned me with some weird device that looked like a Star Trek tricorder.
"Ask ‘em if it's a boy or a girl!" Tiny shouted over the din.
He probably couldn't hear what I said back, but he understood the sentiment.
As we stepped into the clearing, all the noise stopped. I've been through this 1 million times, but it didn't make any less weird. I once made the mistake of asking how it worked - I ended up with a headache for a week. Whatever the explanation, the whole area illuminated by the fluorescents blocked out the sound of the crazy, crowded lab.
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything important," she started. "As I said, we found something." Cutting off our customary bullshit responses.
“Not only do we have an idea of who our absentee attacker is, I also BELIEVE I know where he is,” she said.

 Her words hung in the air like a piñata full of blowjobs. I was fucking ready.


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Thursday, May 21, 2015

Mad for Max

*I interrupt this Madness to push my opinion on you * 

Everyone is talking about Mad Max Fury road, heck I just ran inta 2 minotaurs that the flick was the subject of there last conversation. So Here's my two cents!!

I love mad Max fury Road.

I loved the way it looked I loved the way it sounded I really enjoyed it in 3-D which is something that I can almost never say about a cinema experience.

I did not like Tom Hardy as much as I liked Mel Gibson in the titular role of mad Max but I thought he was good as he any one but Mel could be. I look forward to seeing him stare in more mad Max adventures (Tom Hardy would be a great doc savage not sure why that just occurred to me but I think you would) he's growing star power and undeniable charisma Will help this franchise launch into a new level apocalyptic crazy.

Charlize Theron is an amazing super committed actress and easily my favorite part of this flick; next to crazy neon maniac looking guitar player guy anyway. If you told me that she cut off her arm for this role I'd be hard-pressed to not believe you or at very least I'd scoff at  your claim and secretly sneak off to see What the Internet had to say about it. 
Seriously after her transformation in "Monster" I'd buy almost anything. 
She could've spent her whole career doing the Sharon stone style femme fatale or romantic comedies or anything she wanted she's that cool that beautiful that talent.  she could do anything but she never shys away from getting her hands dirty and becoming the character. Her skinhead ilLegitimate daughter Sarah Connor and the terminator is another great example of this. She was great. 

The stunts were A+ and the let's call it car choreography Was game changing. 

i'm not saying anything that anyone with eyes hasn't already said but if your one of the few the silly the proud that actually listen to the words I say then definitely check out this flick 
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Wednesday, May 20, 2015

filing in holes

The porch 12:30 Am 
The War Room Felt more like detention  the type you didn't know what did or why you were there. We were in trouble but we didn't know from who or why. 


Afterwards Tiny and I sat on the deck of the dummy house that was the entrance of my end of the Crypt. 

Tiny: this is weird. 

Me: it's gross its like sitting in piss soup 

Tiny: umm I wouldn't know? 

Me: hahaha 

Tiny: it's like who ever was attacking us didn't want us to do the show but once it went down he lost interest.

Me: heh.. We fought the war dead before I found out about the show. 

Tiny: those things, Vampiers, Werewolf, ninjas and a fucking dragon

Dynamo: an..

Tiny: ... AAAAnnnnd a lady with a bottle.  

Dynamo: right 

Tiny: Doesn't make sense. The creatures seam arbitrary.

Dynamo: too random to be random.. If that makes any sense.

Tiny: not really but I agree 100% 

Dynamo: fuck we can't even talk any more! we sound like idgits! 

Tiny: ok random monster attacks. 
The vampires were all identical to each other.  

Me: fact

Tiny: and the Three ninjas had the same face and the bottle girl looked like a girl version of them. 

Me: fact

Tiny:  Tiny the dragon.... 

Me: the dragon didn't look like anybody. 

Tiny: you know anybody with scales?

Dynamo: let me pull out your little black book!

Tiny: Ha! Let's just assume the Dragon was a big job. The bad guy may not have had time to make more.

Me: if he had a lot of Dragons...

Tiny: we wouldn't be having this conversation 

Me: unless it's just part of his plan more Fucking with us....

Tiny: stay on point! just facts! 

Tiny: he has at least A dragon. 

Me: fact

Tiny: speaking of big jobs.

Me: the War undead. That was a huge job. 

Tiny: I counted 9 different wars 5 or 6 undead soldiers per war. 

Me: super nerdy.  

Tiny: SUPER NERDY! But what else? 

Me: he enjoys his work.

Tiny: what else?

Me: providing they were genetically engineered

Tiny: yea?

Me: he's an artist. Spent a lot of time on the first trap

Tiny: ok? 

Me: so that was supposed to be the only trap. 

Tiny: that's what I'm thinking    

Me: the dragon? 

Tiny: that does through things off a bit. But it's possible we were more spread out then he thought. The Dragon may have been phase 2. But he/she/it had to spread his recourses thiner

Me: were did he get a dragon to clone?

Tiny: right so definitely made from scratch 

Tiny: fact 

Me: O' and the big brains found no trace of any thing magic. On any of things that attacked us. 

Tiny: so it's  science 

Me: genetically Engineered

Tiny: Fact 

Me: was the Trash werwolf tough? 

Tiny: pretty tough. Not as tough as The Army Men but tough. 

Dynamo: vampiers were pushovers. One Bezerker class would be a hand full I took care of 3 pretty easy. 

Tiny: Ethan and Donna took on 20! The ninjas?

Dynamo: better then the vampires. They were also pretty smart.

Tiny ; but not smart enough to riddle your stupid ass with ninja stars from across the Street. 

Dynamo: fair.

Tiny: so what's that add up to Bill by force.

Dynamo: vampire and the ninjas weren't done cooking yet? 

Tiny: can't say fact 

Me:  but likely

Tiny: so that's all the facts. 

Me: hmmmmm ( popping open another wisenheimer)  

Tiny: hmmm indeed. 

Dynamo: can I talk to you about something? 

Tiny: everyone can tell your pregnant 

Dynamo: good one

Tiny: we've been respecting your privacy....

Dynamo: funny

Tiny: .. But your big as a house. 

Dynamo: ok that's enough

Tiny: 6 months? 

Me: ok ok that's a god dam nuff

Tiny: you wanted to talk about something 

Me: may I? 

Tiny: be my guest. 

Me: Since Got poisoned a few weeks back....

Tiny: .... Some one Took advantage or you? 

Me: great.. 

Tiny: ..... And now you have baby in you?

Me: oh sure

Tiny: And a big baby belly.    

Me: you done? 

Tiny: please continue.

Me: well thanks 

Tiny: your welcome mom.

Me: since then..

Tiny: since the baby or the poison?

Me: the poison 

Tiny: ok just checking 

Me: thanks for looking out

Tiny: of course 

Me: SO! Since Then! I've been having weird dreams

Tiny: pregnant people...

Me: tiny.

Tiny: hormones and stuff. 

Me: tiny?

Tiny:: hahahah ok ok. What kinda weird dreams

Me: well one night I had a dream about clown from the new poltergeist trailer.

Tiny: the new one? 

Me: yea.

Tiny: are you afraid of clowns? 

Me: I'm afraid of the giant Demon filled one who lives in this building! But not generally. 

Tiny: that's fair. What did it do? 

Me: scary shit. It didn't stick with me.

Tiny: what else?

Me: the other day I had a dream my apartment was haunted. I was tossing a drum stick out of my bathroom and It was flying back in!! 

Tiny: that's strange

Me: yea! 

Tiny: do you ever have THE DREAM?

Me: No. Thankfully not. 

Tiny: not for a wile huh?

Me: ten or so years. 

Tiny: well that's something 

Me: yea that was not a good time. 

Tiny: how did you know it was a ghost Tossing the stick back?

Me: I don't know I just did. 

Tiny: are you sure your not pregnant? 

*I flip him off as hard as I can*!


Tiny's phone buzzed in his pocket followed by mine a seconded later.

The Text was from Mz Matrix. It read 

"We've got something" 
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