Transmissions from Mars: Round trip Jones Throw Down

Inside the Silio on Golding's pig farm 3:12AM

With a roar, Ethan grabbed the spear with two hands and lunged forward, pushing RTJ across the length of the rectangular metal box they ended up in when the trapdoor opened. The masked wrestler started to push back to drive the spear deeper into the angry slashers chest, but like lightning, Tiny was in the hole and cut the spear clean in half. Jones swung the end he still had like a bat, but Tiny parried it easily with the flat part of the sword, then drove his mask into the bridge of what we thought was our friend’s nose. I instantly keyed on the Swordsmen's body language; if this was Round Trip Jones then there wasn't much any of us or our conventional weapons could do to hurt him. If this was a clone? Well, in that case it was no holds barred anyway. Instinctually I went for Scourge, but shooting into combat is never great idea, and with the way my body's been it was a terrible idea, but I had just the thing for a situation like this! I went to my jacket pulled out a nice round,black, shiny eight ball I've been saving for just the right moment. I reckoned it’d be a great calling card if people started finding dead monsters around with 8 balls smashed into the head.

I tossed it as hard as I could and it was a direct hit! It bounced with a crack off the back of Tiny's head and flew directly right at me. I only had to move slightly to catch it on the rebound which saved my pride... slightly... a little.

Jones monkey flipped the stunned samurai into the wall. Tiny slid down and landed in a heap. Jones kept up, but I timed it and aimed it perfectly. It would have hit him right between the eyes, but unfortunately he grabbed the eight ball out of the air before could collide with his huge masked head, and without a moment's hesitation tossed it back at me. Struck me right between the eyes. It ricocheted off my huge dome with enough force that I thought it snapped my neck. I heard it land somewhere that seemed 1,000,000 miles away. Needless to say, I wasn't super jacked about this 8 ball idea anymore.

I had barely collapsed to one knee when my attacker went for a kick that would've drove my head a 1000 yards and through the uprights, if the Goliath with 1/2 a spear in his chest hadn't grabbed me by the collar and pulled me out of the way.

The masked man's momentum caused a full out Charlie Brown. He flipped completely backwards and landed on his face. He was up fast, but it wasn't Lucy waiting for him when he did - it was one of the angriest, meanest killers on earth.

Magloofabits went to return the favor with the kick that would've knocked a man's torso from his waist. With the casualness that made the whole thing look more like dancing, Jones ran away to the right and kicked Ethan's prone leg out from under him. The momentum sent him flying back first into Tiny who was doing his best to get to his feet.

Before I could do anything about it, I was lifted up gut wrench style into power bomb position. He spun and I thought I was about to fall victim to the world's most deadly running "lygar bomb," and in reality, I probably would've preferred it. He took a few steps and launched me into the air. I landed without much harm on my buddies, but my 230 pound frame probably didn't do them any favors.

I suspected we looked more like the Three Stooges than trained killers trying to get to our feet and get our breath. For a second I was starting to believe this was our partner - he was strong, fast, and a hell of a fighter. But that all vanished when I got my composure.

When he tossed me, he launched himself into the air. And upon my release, fell flat on his front hands out like he was doing a push-up, or at least that's how he was when we got to our feet. He sat and stared at us like a snake.

"That ain't him," I spit out with my blood.

"Nope," said Tiny.

"Nobody cares I have a fucking spear in my chest?" snapped Ethan.

"So where's the real deal?" I said over my tongue, which was moving across my chipped tooth in an effort to survey the damage.

"Hope he ain't dead," said Ethan, in an uncharacteristic show of any emotion that was not rage. His faced changed from nightmare to sad clown. "Tiny, he better hope the real him's not dead," as Tiny pulled the spear out of Ethan's chest and handed it to him.

"This is better than the other clones. A lot better," I said, still trying to shake the cobwebs.

"Yea. Why did you hit me with a cue ball?" Tiny asked.

"It was an 8 ball," I answered.

"Sorry, I couldn't tell on impact," he responded plainly.

"It's ok - good on you for knowing what hit ya by feel." I was legitimately impressed.

"Thanks, buddy," he said.

"Welcome," I said, not taking my eyes off of what ever wore my friend’s appearance.

We all charged it, and though we were in it's space in a couple of strides, it rolled up to it's feet to greet us. It rolled through us, landing strategically placed blows on all of us as it pirouetted through and around us. All of us ended on opposite sides of the room from where we started. Team us was much worse for ware.

Then, without warning, the thing charged. It was the only mistake it made so far; it wouldn't get the chance to make another. As if we planned it, we created our kill zone. Ethan ran straight at him at top speed; they would've met up and semi-crashed head-on, unless me and Tiny got there first.

We looped around on either side of fake Round Trip Jones - me stopping a step behind, and Tiny a step ahead. We snapped shut like a trap!

I swept his legs at the same instant Tiny went airborne and connected with a brutal spin kick. The wrestling world called the maneuver "Total Elimination;" most people hit with it weren't conscious enough to call it much of anything.

Ethan has been in place in case the it somehow dodges our play, but it turned out to be an unnecessary precaution. It landed on the back of its neck with a velocity that looked like he was dropped on the floor and folded up like an accordion then flipped over. It ended up sitting upright on his ass. Tiny leapt over him, getting behind him, and delivered a couple of stiff kicks to the spine for good measure,then proceeded to go for the thing’s mask.

Wasn't sure why, I certainly never asked. Neither one of us had ever seen Jones without his mask on. I suspect it was more of a symbolic act of humiliation. Either way, I'm glad he did.

The thing had no face. No features at all. My nerd brain competed with my survival instinct and tried to remember what twilight zone episode thing lack of faced reminded me. Luckily, the survival instinct won out. Between eyes was a timer. It's cliché, but like all clichés, 100% true. Time slowed to a crawl.

0:05

"Fuck me," said Ethan diving for it.

0:04

Tiny backed away. He wasn't sure why, but he knew he should.

0:03

Ethan grabbed the thing by the ankles. "Weird," I thought.

0:02

Was I messing it up with "Eye of the Beholder?”

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