Transmissions from Mars: The War Room

"If you had just let me kill indiscriminately like I wanted to the law of averages says I would have killed at least some of folks trying to KILL us by now. There for eliminating part of our problem." Ethan said calmly.

While the 6'7" slasher's claim had no basis in mathematical or ethical reality it wasn't the worst idea we had had all day.

We had been hunkered down in the war room for about 3 hrs

The war room was a secret bunker that most of the staff didn't know about. In fact only Deadites Prime and it's builder 12 Gauge Callhoon knew it existed. It was the only thing lower than the three prison levels. I wouldn't guess how deep it was, but I knew it was located a bunch of miles below my apartment. It had its own electricity and Internet; it wasn't impossible to locate, but you would have had to know what your looking for and have a pretty good idea were to look.

"Multiple attacks on multiple targets" Said Matrix. The time for bullshit had long passed us by.

"Undead"

"Vampires"

"Dragon"

"Werewolf"

She said each one like it was a part of a multiple choice question.

"And assuming Mars is NOT full of shit which is unlikely..."

"Ninjas."

"Don't forget bottle wielding bartenders." I said taking my life into my own hands.

"And bottle wielding bartenders" she said somehow acknowledging me and ignoring me all the same time.

The monsters were tougher than mortals but not as powerful as the beasts they were impersonating" she continued

"And you didn't need the appropriate weapons. I killed the werewolf by cutting it up with my "kick around the house sword", no silver in that thing." Tiny added totally oblivious to how absurd the statement was.

"The dragon seemed pretty fucking strong" growled Ethan. The giant in the clown mask loved to kill. The demons inside him begged for it, but the little bit of human that was left in him was fiercely loyal to his friends. And since two friends had half of the mall parking garage dropped on them he'd barely been able to contain himself.

"It was very strong, but based on some facts and figures I ran through Silica it was not as strong as an actual dragon of that size would be."

I started to ask how the hell they came up with that but then realized I really didn't give a fuck. I'd learned to trust the people on this team and trust that they were smarter than me.

"So, are we thinking clones? Because we know who does clones." said Tiny. WE KNOW WHO DOES CLONES came out sounding more like I'm going to fucking kill him.

"Clones would make sense and each clone away from the original would have diminished strengths and skills. At least if they were made assembly-line style. And yes you do know who makes clones assembly-line style" said Matrix, not dismissing it, but obviously not buying it.

"This is a little too..." I searched for the right word.

"Bush league?" Asked Tiny

"Bush league for Joey Tron, don't ya think"?

"I do think" agreed Matrix. "Back alley ambushes from third rate clones does nothing to stroke his ego or grow his notoriety."

"He'd be taking credit for the dragon thing by now anyway" Tiny said barely hiding his disappointment. That kid loved punching Joey Tron.

"Oh and Andy Christ getting dug out and wheeled out was on every major network." I'd be willing to bet he was jealous, but this wasn't Tron. No way he'd sit on that victory." I said putting the subject of our arch enemy to bed.

"What about that crazy southern avenger bastard who was calling trick-or-treat radio a few months back?" I asked

"Maybe," said Matrix. "but he also seems like someone that likes to sign his handiwork. Hell, he called into the radio show"

"Sir Isac." Tiny said just to say it.

No one approached it. Our other arch enemy likes to get his hands dirty. He wouldn't send cloned monsters and ninjas to do his work.

Matrix said what we were all thinking.

"This is a new player; someone who has reason to hate us, but would need until now to attack."

"Maybe he didn't wait; maybe we pissed him off and he attacked strait away." said Tiny

"You act like we piss people off all the time" I said realizing how stupid it was before it was even out of my mouth.

"Have you heard our radio show? I'm surprised angry, robot wielding nuts don't storm our castle every day." laughed Tiny

"It's a valid point." Matrix said. She sat silent for a moment letting the concept roll around her mind.

Silence overtook the room. You could hear the hum of the fluorescent lights and the whir of MAC fans. I let it wash over me. Someone was attacking us. Setting traps for us. And the more we talked about it the more pissed off I got. The quiet was amazing until Ethan smashed it.

"So what now? We sit in this goddam hole until we figure it out?!"

"No."

Matrix said. She didn't raise her voice, but it stopped us all in our tracks.

"We live our lives, we wait." she finished

"That ain't no plan. That's putting us on the hook and sending us out for the long cast inta catfish waters" I whined. I always get wicked southern when I'm bitching.

"We're bait." Tiny translated.

"Bait indeed." replied matrix.

Tiny caught on a second before me.

"This could be anyone and everyone" he said "and the only way we'll get him to show his hand is if we play the cards we've been dealt."

"Shitty as our hand is,I think it's the only play." Matrix said packing up her briefcase.

So that's what we did.

We did our radio show. We spent time with our friends and family. We hunted monsters. We did what we did. We waited. What would happen next no one could've guessed. It sure as hell was not what I thought was going to happen.

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